Bossypants by Tina Fey

So, basically, Tina Fey sat down and wrote a book about her life. Hilarity ensues. (Full disclosure: I listened to the audiobook. I have found that the best vehicles for memoirs are the authors reading their own words. I feel like I get more from it.)

I labeled this as "edutainment" because it is full of life lessons, and if I were starting out in the world I would turn to it as inspiration for not letting presumptions about my gender keep me from succeeding. After all, if not for her persistence, SNL would NEVER have aired the hilarious Kotex Classic commercial.

She covers everything from her scar (questions about which say more about that asker than they do about her) to what it's like to say, in front of your father whom you admire so much, that your wonky little show has been picked up for a full season. Her prayer for her daughter is poignant and hilarious and true, and the images she includes for our viewing pleasure are honest and relatable.

This is one of those books that I'm telling all the ladies in my life to read, and if I had the funds, I would just buy everyone copies. (If you're a person who spends a lot of time in your car, get the audio. Trust me. But beware: at time I was laughing so hard I cried. That could be problematic.)

Enjoy!

Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua

You knew I was going to read this. You probably saw the article that triggered the firestorm that alerted me to the existence of the book. If not, it's here.

I'm still digesting, and mostly my thoughts are about how we're raising our son - Chua's experience is the exact opposite of the experiences that I've been seeking out. She is the opposite of unschooling, the opposite of being the boat that rides the waves, the opposite of finding a moment and seeing the beauty in the ordinary. She is driven, she is stubborn, she is (this is the universal part) parenting her children in the manner in which she was parented.

I do not agree with all of her approaches (the worst of which  - until the meltdown that humbles her* - are in the WSJ article) but I can't completely fault her. Her prose is engaging, her motivation is truly love for her daughters, and were I to sit next to her at a party I think I would enjoy her company.

She says, over and over, that there is tongue-in-cheek humor...but it's insider humor. Unless you are the child of an immigrant it might sail past you and leave a bad taste in your mouth. Statements that come across as judgmental would likely be hilarious to Westerners had they been written by Matt Groenig (or Trey Parker or Matt Stone) and delivered by Homer Simpson (or one of the four South Park kids.) Humor is cultural, and I suspect that is why this book has struck such a nerve.

Does she have some truly heinous parenting moments? Yes. But who doesn't? She also has moments of clarity and brilliance where everything seems to come together, and at the end...she learns and grows, which is really all anyone can do.

As Calvin's dad said: You do the best you can with the knowledge you have. (Yes, he said it first, Not Oprah. When I run across the strip, I'll scan it and prove it.)

The book has made me think...really think and really scrutinize my plans and how they will impact my child as he grows. Whether I agree with her or not, that is the best thing a book can do for you. As you read, you look around and think "is this really the best life I can lead? Are my intentions pure?" Few authors trigger those thoughts (I am lucky to have reviewed some of them here) and Chua is among them.

*the subtitle: "The is a story about a mother, two daughters, and two dogs. The was supposed to be a story of how Chinese parents are better at raising their kids than Western ones. But instead, it's about a bitter clash of cultures, a fleeting tastes of glory, and how I was humbled by a thirteen-year-old."

Here she is, in her own words, on PBS:

Momma Zen By Karen Maezen Miller

I thoroughly enjoyed Miller's other book, so I made sure I was able to savor this one, in which she takes us along on her journey as a new mother, musing over lullabies and sleepless nights, food struggles, television guilt, schedules, and the sudden illness and passing of her own mother. I do not personally know Karen (although we are "facebook friends") but as I read her reflection on the loss of her mother, I mourned with her.

Miller is moving and inspirational without being the kind of person who gives Moving Inspirational Speeches. She quietly shows you how things work for her and provides space for you to recognize what is (and isn't) working for you. Here is a space to allow yourself to truly feel what you are feeling and then the gentle guidance needed to let all of that go.

A random pull quote:

"On a perfect day in your perfect little world (and it's always perfect) there is breakfast time, playtime, lunchtime, nap time, snack time, dinnertime, bath time, story time, and bedtime. There is time for everything when you are the timekeeper." (p68)

It is not just her own wisdom that she shares, every chapter opens with a quote from Sutras, Blessings, Buddhist Lessons, and the Wise Ones who came before. The book ends with a lesson on How to Meditate, and follows with an index "For the Hard Days", in which you can look up lessons for the help you most need right now.

Miller is a Zen Buddhist Priest, and while that informs her writings and her lessons, she neither shoves it down your throat nor urges you to throw off your previous labels and Join Her. She merely invites you in to a place where the people are just people, lives are just lived, and every moment exists in your breath. I consider myself lucky to have both of her books on my shelf.

(Bonus: she has a blog.)

She Looks Just Like You: A Memoir of (nonbiological lesbian) Motherhood by Amie Klempnauer Miller

I firmly believe that anyone who thinks they should have a say - or that there should be legislation defining - what makes a family needs to read this book. Because Miller is honest and moving and most definitely a mother. And I say this as a straight, monogamous mother.

I have to admit, though, that I grabbed it off the library end cap on a whim. I'm on a Mommy-Memoir kick (in case you haven't noticed) and so it appealed to me. I hesitated, though when I saw that Amie is a lesbian. Not because I was turned off by the concept, but because I wasn't sure if I could relate. But I did. I can. I think that any human who has tried, succeeded, considered, is considering,  and/or may one day bring another human into their life will relate.

In fact - my only issue with the whole thing was the few times when she said "because I am a lesbian, I am ________." And I thought "no, honey, because you are a woman/human/parent you are...."  Not that lesbians aren't, but they haven't cornered the market.

I was moved to tears so many times. I'll admit it. There might have been wine involved, but there were definitely tears. Tears when the pregnancy took. Tears when their daughter was born. Tears and tears and more tears. She overcame huge hurdles - and she shares them with such honesty and fearlessness that it's no wonder she is in her third decade with her wife.

There is no way to avoid the politics of the situation while reading. I fall firmly in favor of not needing the legislation that is constantly in trouble or about to be voted on. Why? Because the LGBT community is covered by the 14th amendment.

In a totally cute (and enlightening) offshoot: the author interviews her daughter. Read it here.

Poser: My Life in Twenty-Three Yoga Poses by Claire Dederer

The title for this one says it all, really. With flashbacks to her childhood, and a present-time recounting that spans her first ten years of motherhood and yoga study, Dederer takes us through her own rite of passage. Can it be a rite of passage when it's a memoir written by an adult about her adult life? I'm going to say yes. I'm also going to call it a coming-of-age piece and a truly fun read.

The tagline on her website reads: "What if you turned your life upside down...and wound up with both feet on the ground?"

I identify with Dederer on several levels and I'm convinced that is what made this book so enjoyable for me.  But rather than go on and on about me, I thought I was going to do something even better: answer one of the "reading group" questions from the website. But all of those made me want to talk about me.


So I will just say this: read this book. If you like yoga. If you like memoirs. If you like funny, self-depricating stories where the heroine and her family nearly implode only to jump their proverbial shark and put themselves back on the right track. Read it if you like heart warming, cozy, inspiring tales of a person whose childhood was left-of-center but who grew up to be alright anyway. And certainly read it if you just aren't sure what to read next. Let it inspire you to be brave.

Hand Wash Cold by Karen Maezen Miller

This delightful little tome was hidden in the "Self Help" section of Borders...which is a bit like sticking Heathers in the Suspense section of Blockbuster (it's a comedy, people.) While the subtitle does lend itself to being a "how-to-DIY-your life into amazingness," the real inspiration lies in Miller's recollections and reflections and for that I call it a memoir.

While Miller is a mother, this is not (necessarily) a book for mothers. Or for fathers, for that matter. It's a book for people who would like to know how to slow down a little and enjoy their life as it comes to them...people who want to take care of themselves in a way that you just don't find at a gym or (ironically) in the self-help section.

Miller, a Zen Buddhist Priest and teacher (Sensei), is spiritual without being preachy. Her faith might not be your faith and that's alright because the answer doesn't necessarily lie in faith. It lies in the willingness to slow down and take your life as it comes.

There's a quote on the back by Katrina Kenison that sums it up nicely:

"Ever found yourself up to your elbows in the messy stuff of your own everyday life and wondered, "Is this all there is?" Karen Maezen Miller answers that age-old question with a resounding "Yes." Read this deceptively simple, deeply wise little book not to change your life, but to fall quietly, unequivocally back in love with the life you already have."

I feel that I will read this one again and again and every time I will glean new insights into why and how my life is perfect just as it is. You should, too. And bonus: she has a blog.


PS - a little confession, as I read I keep flashing to Dorothy at the end of The Wizard of Oz:  "...if I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own back yard. Because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with! Is that right?"

The Gift of an Ordinary Day by Katrina Kenison

(my own image)

I am lucky to have found this book while my son is still so young. Kenison is at the other side of parenthood: one son entering high school as the other prepares to leave it. She throws another wrench into the works by determining that *now* is the perfect time to move from the only home their sons have ever known.

We follow the entire family on their journey from cozy home in a familiar and friendly neighborhood through a period of unrest; the old home sold before they had a new one picked out and Jack (the younger son) rebels in a way that only 13 year old boys can.  There are flashbacks, anecdotes, revelations and insights. I found myself pulling quotes to keep in the back of my head, most timely:

"The thoughtful life is not rushed."

Before long, Henry, the oldest, starts looking at colleges. Kenison starts taking a long hard look at what nurturing means when your children no longer need nurturing.

Ultimately, the family lands in a small town in the mountains, in possession of a house they're not entirely sure what to do with and surrounded by strangers. Well, they are strangers until a shop keeper becomes a friend and points out that there are partners all around, waiting to help...and by the close of this particular chapter in the Kenison's lives there are new friends and partners filling it. 

This book does not drip with sentiment, or preach about how your life should be lived. This is a woman sharing her journey towards balance. I do not think that you need to be a parent yourself to read it. I think anyone who has...well, lived, can relate to the events and emotions. And everyone can relate to how charming life because when even ordinary days are viewed as gifts.

My Monastery is a Minivan by Denise Roy

***I published this on my other blog - it's only vaguely a review, but I was moved in this manner by this book, which is more honest than me just saying: "it's great. Read it." ****

Dear Denise,

    Can I call you Denise? We’re both adults, and after reading My Monastery is a Minivan, I feel like we’re friends.

    My son is 3 months old. 15 weeks. It’s such a short amount of time - not a full season for any sport, not a full semester, only a 3rd of the amount of time it took me to make him. And yet in that time I realized several very disturbing things. First, I am psychotic. I’ve worked with a lot of young children over the course of the past 20 (egads!) years and the one thing that every mom has ever told me is: “it’s different when they’re yours. You’re more patient.” They. LIE. After twenty years of what I considered to be “helping to raise” children I thought I had the baby thing IN THE BAG. It took ten days to knock me off that horse. Second, I am not nearly as calm and composed as I’d like. I know there are hormones, but the tears, the frustration...it’s like puberty all over again only this time it’s being triggered by an infant. These two things left me feeling very out of my depth.

    So I started to look for some guidance. If you want to lead a more calm and balanced life there is a guide for that - many, actually. I started with mommy blogs (perfect window dressing but few willing to actually post that their child had them up all night for God-knows-why and what they really want is a martini) and moved on to montessori review (I’ve studied this as education and child care training, but not as a mother) and it’s still just as dry a read as it was when I was eighteen...I watched a documentary on the Dalai Lama (I follow him on facebook as well) and that was helpful and inspirational...but he’s not a mom. He doesn’t get it.

    And then, I’m in our local children’s bookstore just browsing and I see your book. On the shelf directly below “Once Upon a Potty” is the exact word I didn’t know was missing from my life: Momfulness. I picked it up and allowed it to fall open in my hands. This is something I often do with books - allowing the universe to guide me to recipes, essays, inspiration - and it opened to the Thich Nhat Hanh prayer*. Needless to say, I purchased it.

    But I read My Monastery is a Minivan first. I’m just starting on Momfulness, and I so far I’m glad I’m reading them in this order. I needed to know more about you as a mother before I started to learn from you. Although, really, I don’t think one needs to be a mother to enjoy your stories. One just has to have a mother. One just has to have a family.  On 35 separate occasions I was moved to tears, laughter, and deep contentment. I am inspired to be more present, to recognize that we are happy, to have more patience with myself and my son. Just hearing your experiences helps me find peace with mine.

    I do want to particularly address the story entitled “The Mother of Men.” For reasons too lengthy to go into here, I was (and am still, to a lesser extent) very apprehensive about raising a son. Everywhere else I looked were platitudes but you got to the heart of it: what men need is a rite of passage wherein the older men say “you are important and what you say is important.” I finished the book and immediately re-read that essay. In 13 years my husband (and our close male friends and relatives) will take our son into the Redwoods for a weekend and they will welcome him to manhood.

    Your 35 stories (and now your second book - so far, at least) has given me hope and reassurance that even though I’m not perfect, I don’t need to be. That as long as I practice compassion and mindfulness and respect - not just for my family but for myself as well, which is often harder - that it will all be ok.

    So really, I just wanted to say thank you.

*
Breathing in, I calm my body
Breathing out, I smile.
Dwelling in the present moment,
I know this is a wonderful moment.

Sleep is for the Weak - edited by Rita Arens

    Sleep is for the Weak is a collection of blog entries and essays by some of the most prolific Mommy Bloggers (and one dad.) They are funny, poignant, and true. This book showed up in my Christmas loot and I dove in happily.

    I would have read it in one sitting, but baths are increasingly more and more uncomfortable. It’s a quick read - each entry is shorter than your average People Article - and it is a complete page turner.

    Every topic is covered: sleeping, potty training, the endless advice from the outside world, illness, time management, and personal growth (which “blows”.)

    I’m having a hard time writing a review, here. Because the book is awesome, but it’s not plot driven - unless you consider pages and pages of anecdotal advice to be a plot. There are few recurring characters, and no real sense of time passing.

    Sometimes, however, that’s exactly what you need - little snippets of insight into the lives of other parents so that you know you’re not alone (or will be joining the other side, rather than wandering into the great unknown, as it were.)

    So I’m going to leave it at that. If you’ve got kids or want kids - and regardless of your gender - this book is well worth the read. If only so that you can say “whew! It’s not just me!”

    Also there are a few essays that will make you laugh so hard you cry (for me they were always about poop…) and that alone makes this book well worth the price of admission.

The Rights of the Reader by Daniel Pennac

Pennac is a very well-respected and popular French author. This book, which I read translated into English but which retains its French flair, focuses on the journey one takes from being an avid reader of picture books through being a student who reads only because it is required but will otherwise avoid it at all costs, to the adult who may or may not have returned to reading...and what parents and teachers can do about it. I’m not sure how to summarize, or even chat about it more without just quoting bits of it. Not that this is a bad thing. It’s a quick read, but neither my library nor my local megabook emporium had a copy on hand, so I picked it up off of Amazon and I like that it has a place on my shelf.

I did hijack a quote and have put it on my facebook profile...particularly because it appeals to me not just as a former interior designer (the skill and desire are there, I just haven’t practiced outside of my home since we moved) and an aspiring novelist (desire and practice...but maybe not skill? That remains to be seen.)

“We human beings build houses because we’re alive, but we write books because we’re mortal.” (this is where I ended my quote. His next sentence reads: “We live in groups because we’re sociable but we read because we know we’re alone.” Also applicable to my life, but not nearly as inspiring, no?)

I don’t normally pull from the back of the book, but his Rights of the Reader are printed right there for all the world. So I will reprint them here:

1) The right not to read.
2) The right to skip.
3) The right not to finish a book.
4) The right to read it again.
5) The right not to read anything.
6) The right to mistake a book for real life.
7) The right to read anywhere.
8) The right to dip in.
9) The right to read out loud.
10) The right to be quiet.



And there you have it. Read the whole book, though. Teachers, parents, people who interact with hesitant readers...this is good for all of them. And it’s illustrated by Quentin Blake, which is a bonus in my eyes.

Aunt Dimity Slays the Dragon by Nancy Atherton

The latest installment of Nancy Atherton’s cozy Aunt Dimity series starts off innocently enough. Ex-pat mom of twins, Lori Shepard, is finding herself bored with life in their small English Village, but is trying to throw herself into village life anyway in the hopes of making it slightly more interesting. Her husband is working away in his law-office, her sons are doing their five-year-old thing, and she’s coming off of a wedding-planning high.

Luckily, with summer comes event-season in Finch: The Tidy Cottage Contest, Best Garden, etc etc. Even more luckily, at the town meeting one of the nephews of a local farmer announces that on his Uncle’s land that summer will be held a Renaissance Faire of the type generally seen in America: historical accuracy isn’t as important as enthusiasm, come in costume for a more enjoyable time...and oh yes, a daily joust will be held.

Even incorporeal Aunt Dimity thinks it’ll make the summer slightly more interesting around town and encourages Lori and family to take part and report back. So costumes are made - the boys will be pages, Lori will be...well she can’t really decide what she wants to be, and her husband has put his foot down: over his dead body will he don a costume. They’re lucky he’s going, and that’s really only because the boys are in the daily parade.

But, because this is a mystery, shenanigans occur. Accidents happen during the opening ceremony, the town is trashed, and Lori’s imagination runs wild.

Admittedly, I read this months ago so some of the details have been pushed to the back of my brain (I was also deep in the throws of early-pregnancy grossness and so my retention wasn’t what it normally is) but I can say these things without a doubt: I do love this series. I love that it’s not generally gory. I love that the characters are at once familiar people and “characters.” I love that Lori is in a stable, very loving, long term marriage. I like that time passes as we read. When we first meet Lori (not in the first book) she is young, single, penniless, and casting about for something outside of her work and now she is a happily married mother of two who hasn’t lost who she is even though life has taken her places she never imagined.

This is a good rainy-day book. It’s good “I thought morning sickness was only supposed to last the morning” book. Or a flu book. Or a “it’s too cold, let’s sit by the fire with cocoa and a book” book.

If you haven’t read this series, pick up the first one (like I said, they move forward and build on the last) and enjoy yourself. If you have read the series, you won’t be disappointed with the latest installment.

Class Mothers by Katherine Stewart

Class Mothers open roughly 3 years after The Yoga Mamas ends. Laura’s daughter, Anna, is now enrolled as the scholarship student at The Metropolitan Preschool. In keeping with the times, this preschool is impossible to get into and the moms are all very competitive. Money is thrown around. Influence is thrown around. It feels like any number of fish-out-of-water books until a twist is thrown in: during an afternoon auction committee meeting the class hamster is found murdered. Four mothers are on the committee, four children were in the classroom with the teacher and no one saw who did it.

Instantly the mothers - not in view of the schools owner-principal, of course - start to draw lines and form alliances to make sure that their own child’s position at the school is safe. Laura, as the lone scholarship mom, finds herself in an odd place - some of the moms like her, but mostly she finds herself outside of their circles...a feeling that is compounded by her own insecurities. She fuels her inner Greek Chorus by giving weight to the pointed looks, paranoia, and standards of women she didn’t even know until her daughter started at their school.

In what she justifies as an effort to keep Anna in her exclusive pre-school and help her move up to an even more exclusive elementary school, Laura teams up with two of the other moms on the auction committee: Bronwyn, a seemingly perfect Manhattan Housewife and mother of two who treats Laura as equal parts friend and charity case, and Dominique, a French ex-model/actress who spends ninety percent of her time bemoaning the lack of passion and excitement in her life, despite having a devoted and doting husband and a lovely young daughter. All three are convinced that Kim’s son is the culprit based almost purely on Kim’s own behavior (as a working mom she feels that battle,) snide comments regarding Laura’s “disadvantaged” state, and nanny gossip.

The plot follows through parties, auction meetings, tailing Kim, yoga classes, lunches, dinners, even more tangled up backstabbing and ladder climbing, all the way up to when - somewhat predictably - Laura feels like her life is spinning out of control. Her daughter is pushing boundaries, her husband’s college girlfriend turns out to be one of the other preschool moms, and her contract deadline has come and gone with no inspiration in sight. Add to that the unravelling trust and friendship she had with Bronwyn and Dominique and it almost seems hopeless.

It’s not, of course. There’s the requisite epiphany followed by a flurry of activity and a satisfying resolution. Because we meet Laura first in The Yoga Mamas, her behavior follows what we already know to be true to her character and the other moms fall into their own cliches nicely.

All-in-all, it’s a satisfying chick read. It wouldn’t be out of place on the beach. My only issue is at the end, after the murder has been solved (as well as the auction drama) and everyone is happy...Stewart jumps the shark. Seriously. She has set up for another Laura book, but not of the Poor Fish in a Ritzy Pond style that we’ve already become familiar with. It could be great. It could prove to not be worth the paper it’s printed on. Either way, we’ll have to wait, because it doesn’t seem to be releasing any time soon.