Momma Zen By Karen Maezen Miller

I thoroughly enjoyed Miller's other book, so I made sure I was able to savor this one, in which she takes us along on her journey as a new mother, musing over lullabies and sleepless nights, food struggles, television guilt, schedules, and the sudden illness and passing of her own mother. I do not personally know Karen (although we are "facebook friends") but as I read her reflection on the loss of her mother, I mourned with her.

Miller is moving and inspirational without being the kind of person who gives Moving Inspirational Speeches. She quietly shows you how things work for her and provides space for you to recognize what is (and isn't) working for you. Here is a space to allow yourself to truly feel what you are feeling and then the gentle guidance needed to let all of that go.

A random pull quote:

"On a perfect day in your perfect little world (and it's always perfect) there is breakfast time, playtime, lunchtime, nap time, snack time, dinnertime, bath time, story time, and bedtime. There is time for everything when you are the timekeeper." (p68)

It is not just her own wisdom that she shares, every chapter opens with a quote from Sutras, Blessings, Buddhist Lessons, and the Wise Ones who came before. The book ends with a lesson on How to Meditate, and follows with an index "For the Hard Days", in which you can look up lessons for the help you most need right now.

Miller is a Zen Buddhist Priest, and while that informs her writings and her lessons, she neither shoves it down your throat nor urges you to throw off your previous labels and Join Her. She merely invites you in to a place where the people are just people, lives are just lived, and every moment exists in your breath. I consider myself lucky to have both of her books on my shelf.

(Bonus: she has a blog.)

She Looks Just Like You: A Memoir of (nonbiological lesbian) Motherhood by Amie Klempnauer Miller

I firmly believe that anyone who thinks they should have a say - or that there should be legislation defining - what makes a family needs to read this book. Because Miller is honest and moving and most definitely a mother. And I say this as a straight, monogamous mother.

I have to admit, though, that I grabbed it off the library end cap on a whim. I'm on a Mommy-Memoir kick (in case you haven't noticed) and so it appealed to me. I hesitated, though when I saw that Amie is a lesbian. Not because I was turned off by the concept, but because I wasn't sure if I could relate. But I did. I can. I think that any human who has tried, succeeded, considered, is considering,  and/or may one day bring another human into their life will relate.

In fact - my only issue with the whole thing was the few times when she said "because I am a lesbian, I am ________." And I thought "no, honey, because you are a woman/human/parent you are...."  Not that lesbians aren't, but they haven't cornered the market.

I was moved to tears so many times. I'll admit it. There might have been wine involved, but there were definitely tears. Tears when the pregnancy took. Tears when their daughter was born. Tears and tears and more tears. She overcame huge hurdles - and she shares them with such honesty and fearlessness that it's no wonder she is in her third decade with her wife.

There is no way to avoid the politics of the situation while reading. I fall firmly in favor of not needing the legislation that is constantly in trouble or about to be voted on. Why? Because the LGBT community is covered by the 14th amendment.

In a totally cute (and enlightening) offshoot: the author interviews her daughter. Read it here.

Hand Wash Cold by Karen Maezen Miller

This delightful little tome was hidden in the "Self Help" section of Borders...which is a bit like sticking Heathers in the Suspense section of Blockbuster (it's a comedy, people.) While the subtitle does lend itself to being a "how-to-DIY-your life into amazingness," the real inspiration lies in Miller's recollections and reflections and for that I call it a memoir.

While Miller is a mother, this is not (necessarily) a book for mothers. Or for fathers, for that matter. It's a book for people who would like to know how to slow down a little and enjoy their life as it comes to them...people who want to take care of themselves in a way that you just don't find at a gym or (ironically) in the self-help section.

Miller, a Zen Buddhist Priest and teacher (Sensei), is spiritual without being preachy. Her faith might not be your faith and that's alright because the answer doesn't necessarily lie in faith. It lies in the willingness to slow down and take your life as it comes.

There's a quote on the back by Katrina Kenison that sums it up nicely:

"Ever found yourself up to your elbows in the messy stuff of your own everyday life and wondered, "Is this all there is?" Karen Maezen Miller answers that age-old question with a resounding "Yes." Read this deceptively simple, deeply wise little book not to change your life, but to fall quietly, unequivocally back in love with the life you already have."

I feel that I will read this one again and again and every time I will glean new insights into why and how my life is perfect just as it is. You should, too. And bonus: she has a blog.


PS - a little confession, as I read I keep flashing to Dorothy at the end of The Wizard of Oz:  "...if I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own back yard. Because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with! Is that right?"